A Sick Addiction -Phan-
by kittyxuchiha11
Summary: Phil's just that guy who lives on his own in a one bedroom flat in London...or is he? Dan is a private detective who earns his living by solving murder cases. when the two meet at a crime scene, they instantly bond while working on the case of the several murders that have occurred. But what is Phil hiding from Dan that he can never let him know?
1. Chapter 1

I'm always a little paranoid after it happens.

I just sit here at home. Staring at my laptop screen as I lightly bite my lip. There are constantly little thoughts fluttering through my head. Little thoughts wondering, what if? What if I left a finger print by accident when I touched that wall? Or what if I moved a picture out of place when I dragged him into the bedroom?

What if, id left enough evidence for them to catch me?

But of course I hadn't. I was just over thinking this way too much and being a little paranoid. Even though my head is fuzzy with nerves and my stomach churns, I still smirk softly to myself. My stomach is flipping over itself as I think about the fear in his eyes when I slowly dragged that knife down his arm. Up his leg. Down his chest and stomach, stopping to draw little patterns into his paper thin skin. And most importantly

Right into his heart.

I feel sick as I picture the blood oozing out of his body. Yet the sickening smile I'm wearing doesn't leave. I place my hand over my mouth and make a dash to the bathroom, falling to my knees as I watch yesterdays lunch pour out of my mouth with a splash. At this point, I should be disgusted and shiver in revolt.

Yet I'm still smiling.

I had done it. Id killed him. It never felt like that much of a big deal at the time. But a few days after, that's when the feeling hits. When they find the body and report it on the news. 'Another brave man lost his life' that phrase alone sends a wonderful shiver down my back.

I sometimes wonder if I'm not normal. I mean, normal people don't kill for pleasure. But I'm just as normal as the next guy. There are just a lot of people who don't deserve to live and I help them with that. There's just something about watching the light fade from a mans eyes as blood soaks his clothes and pools around him on the carpet beneath him. It just makes me feel so alive. Like I'm invincible.

It's not like I target people I don't know. I know them all. Well, I've at least bumped into them at some point. My last victim was a young guy who had no manners. It was as simple as that. He was shouting abuse at some gay couple so I followed him back to his apartment and watched him carefully. All he did in his pathetic little life was watch some stupid TV show and call his friends to brag about how many girls he'd 'shagged' that week. He deserved to die. I know he did.

I grab a small towel that's sitting on the side of the bath tub and wipe my mouth with it. The smile has finally fallen and as I get up to walk away but catch my reflection in the mirror. Dark hair falling over my face with equally dark circles under my deep blue eyes. I move my hair, running a hand through it and smirking yet again as my reflection looks back.

There's a strange feeling that washes over me as I flop down onto my bed. The ceiling, which is normally the most interesting thing in the room and fuels my insomnia, just as much as the thoughts in my head do. The ceiling seems boring today. So my eyes wonder, so does my mind. I'm over thinking everything again. Going through every little step to cheek I hadn't missed anything. And that's when that feeling turns into a feeling dread. My throat dries up as the thought of getting caught crosses my mind. The thought of the authorities knowing Phil Lester isn't just a twenty-six year old man living on his own in a one bedroom flat in London.

************************************************** *******************

Luckily for me the door was open and moves when I press down the handle. I'm wearing gloves, of course. I know from studying a little criminology about the whole how finger prints thing works. Anyone on the crime scene mustn't step on an uncovered area or touch anything that could be used as evidence without gloves and blah blah blah. The fact I know their rules and regulations always helps me to cover up any evidence. Id only ever returned to the crime scene once or twice in the early days when I made mistakes frequently. So I didn't have any reason to be here, yet. There was just this feeling id forgotten something.

I carefully close the door behind me, looking around the room. It really did look like just how id left it. I knew soon the forensics would be here so Id have to hurry up . I walk though all the places I had been in the small flat. I wipe a few places I had accidentally touched and made sure everything looked in place. I was about to leave when the sudden urge to see the body coursed through my veins. I turn and slowly make my way to the room, noticing the door is already open slightly.

They had only found the body yesterday and since the forensics hadn't been yet. That meant the Sherlock Holmes of this case wouldn't have arrived yet. There always seems to be a private detective or someone weird like that snooping around crime scenes. It's kinda creepy actually. Then again, I am also creeping around a dead body. I push open the door and slip inside to see a white sheet spread over the shape I know is that idiot. I have to stop a small laugh escaping my lips as the smirk returns once again. Just peeling back that fabric and seeing his dull eyes staring back at me made my grin widen. I had justice, power and no one had any idea I could have done this.

It felt amazing.

There was no place id rather be right now than looking down at his stupid, ugly face. I had done a good thing. He was scum to the word and I had exterminated him like the vermin he was. And it is only as I stare down at the man's expression that I hear the front door quietly click open.

************************************************** *******************

*Dan's POV*

I sigh softly to myself as I open to door to the small flat. Another day, another murder. It's always the same in my line of work. You see, my mum and dad wanted me to be something important and who earned lots of money, like a lawyer. But here I am at another crime scene as a private detective. It's good enough pay. I mean, it's London. People are forever getting murdered and family's want justice. So I get hired and paid a good amount of money quite often. Although most cases are incredibly easy to crack since they're basically all drug dealers or alcoholics.

Although most of them I can solve within a day or so, there are those few which I've had to give up on. That hasn't happened for a while though. The last case I had to give up on was in about February. There was a murder committed in the victims house, but unlike an amateur there were no finger prints. I spent days on end in that house looking or clues that would have been left behind. But there was absolutely nothing. After I picked up what was left of my shattered confidence. I sincerely apologized to the family and closed the case.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of these negative thoughts. This was a completely new case and from what information I had gathered it should be fairly easy. A young guy living on his own in the bad side of town. High school drop out who's been caught stealing a few times. Possibly involved in gang crime. Very aggressive. I would guess from that information that some guys had had enough of him and just went for it.

As I made my way into the room with the body, something seemed off. I can't exactly describe it but. I don't know. Maybe it was just because I was around a dead person. I mean that is pretty creepy and could unsettle anyone. I crouched down and carefully pulled back the white sheet. He had several wounds covering his body. He had a long scratch from his shoulder right down to his wrist on his right arm. He had a similar mark from his ankle to his upper thigh on his left leg. His chest and stomach wounds were what worried me the most. He had these little sort of patterns carved into his skin on his lower stomach. And finally, a huge hole which was definitely a stab wound exactly where his heart was. The guy who did this must have got lucky to hit it completely head on like that. Considering the size of the wound, id say the knife would have been drawn back three or four times.

My mind was exploding with all these thoughts when I heard a small sound of movement from beside me. I looked to my right, only seeing a bed and a small nightstand. At first I brushed it off as a cat or something like that and stood up to go inspect the rest of the room. But then I realized.

He didn't have any pets.

"..Hello?…is anyone there?" I asked softly, backing towards the wardrobe where I know I saw a bit of lose metal off something I could use as a weapon. I heard a scuffling sound from under the bed and carefully wrapped my hand around the metal pole, keeping my eyes glued to the spot. What I saw however, was not what I expected.

"…Hi…"


	2. Chapter 2

"…Hi…"

A man maybe only a few years younger than me stood with a shocked expression on his face as I revealed myself. He had his hand behind his back, leaning against the wardrobe while his hand curled tightly around the metal pole off an old bed frame or something. He seemed to relax slightly as I gave him a gentle smile, but didn't fully let down his guard.

"Who exactly are you?" the younger man asked, keeping his hand securely around his new found weapon as he gazed at me uneasily with his chocolaty brown eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I heard his voice. Not only did the nerves in his voice give me some sort of pleasure that no one else felt. But the question he was asking filled me with such joy I really can't explain. You see, not only do I enjoy getting rid of bad people. But lying as well. Well, I don't exactly consider it lying. More just pretending to be someone you're not. Or pretending to be completely innocent when you know that man dead at your feet is dead because of you.

"Phil, Phil Lester" I replied calmly. He gave me a sceptical look before letting go of his weapon with a sigh.

"This is a crime scene. You know you can't be here"

"I know. But I can be here"

He raised an eyebrow as if silently asking me what I meant. I didn't even need to think about anything I was saying. It just sort of came out with confidence I didn't think I even owned. I shot him a quick look before reaching into my pocket and producing a crumpled up business card which was generally just what I gave anyone when they doubted anything about me.

"I'm a private detective. Here, see my business card"

He inspected the white piece of card with my name and a new details printed on. A small blue curved design occupied the corner of the card, just to make it look professional really. He looked at t for a good few seconds then met my eyes as I carefully tucked the slip of paper back into my pocket.

"Daniel Howell. Also a private detective" he said as he leaned forward and held out his hand to me. "But most people just call me Dan" I took his hand in mine in a strong hand shake, nodding to show id heard him. He flashed a warm smile as me before withdrawing his hand and clasping it together with his other hand. He bit the inside of his mouth before looking at me as if he were about to ask another question.

"I know you want to ask something. Come on, just ask it"

He scratched the back of his neck nervously before meeting my gaze again "Just wondering but…what were you doing hiding under the bed?"

A small laugh escaped my lips as I noticed the slight flush to his cheeks. He'd been scared by me. How cute.

"Well, I was in here inspecting the body when I heard the door open. So I quickly hid under the bed in case it was one of the guys who killed him"

Dan nodded in understanding as I told him my short yet not exactly a lie of a story. His eyes shone with such a look understanding and sympathy as I went on about some made up case I had apparently solved. I didn't even mean to lie this much. I just wanted to say a few things and get out of here.

"From the sounds of it, you've solved a few cases then. Who hired you to look into this?"

"Oh you know, just um- John"

"John?"

"Gavin's" I made a small gesture to the corpse "friend John"

He just nodded, obviously trying to recall if he'd heard of any John's. Luckily he couldn't actually call me out on my lies because this guy generally did have a friend called John. Id heard him bragging over to the phone to him.

Dan sucked in a quick breath of air before crouching down beside the body and carefully placing a pair of gloves on. He then gently ran his fingers down the victims chest, stopping as he touched the deep carvings id made only a few days ago. He sighed softly.

"I just don't get what's up with the patterns here"

"Really?"

He gave me a confused look before replying "Yeah, I mean. why would some gang member or who ever could have done this carve these weird patterns into the skin?"

So he thought it was a gang that had done this? Really? How stupid was this guy. No thug would take the time or the effort to make those flawless cuts. I wasn't sure if he wasn't that smart or if he'd just convinced himself because of the guys bad background that it had to be some gang or whatever.

"Maybe it's the gangs logo or something?" I suggested, not even sure why I was honestly still there. I had told my little lie and after that I should have left. Should have indeed. I wanted to leave, yet. There was just something about Dan. Maybe I felt sorry for him because he had no clue what was going on. My brain told me logical thing was to walk away and not help him. I mean, he's basically trying to find me. Yet my gut instinct told me to stay.

Dan suddenly looked straight up at me with this newly found twinkle of hope in his eye. "I've seen this somewhere before" he informed me, pointing so a certain carving I knew I had carved into many more bodies. I honestly just got bored with torturing them sometimes and started to draw. Of course their screams of agony made me smirk and carve deeper. But I was just drawing at the end of the day. It wasn't some mark I had left on purpose.

He dug around in his bag before bringing a folder out and searching desperately for a paper within the bundle. He finally found it and basically shoved it in my face with an excited grin.

I bit my lip in an attempt to try not show any sort of emotion to him. On the piece of paper was a picture of the same marking on the chest of a man I recognised. I had killed back in February, I think.

He was one of the most annoying people in the world and I knew I just had to get rid of him. He was actually a friend. Well, I became friends with him so I could get close to him. I bet he never expected his so called best friend would be the one to end his pathetic little life.

"Look. See this" he pointed at the marking "It's the same. So…"

"Maybe we're not dealing with a gang" the words slipped out of my mouth before I even had time to process what I was saying. What the hell was I doing? I was supposed to be trying to prevent myself from being caught. Not helping him do it.

"Exactly" he said, flashing me a quick smile as some sort of reward. "But then if it's not one off killings then it must be…a serial killer. Or something like that anyway"

"I don't know…" I tried to protest, starting to panic a little bit now. For me, that's kind of unusual. Sure I get weird uneasy feelings every so often but I never panic.

Ever.

"It must be. Oh my god I'm so stupid" he said more to himself than me as he quickly shoved the picture back into the plastic folder "That's why that case in February seemed professional. It was a professional" he exclaimed with such joy that my stomach dropped, making me feel incredibly sick. "Or as professional as you can get in London anyway"

He was making jokes now. Oh my god. I'm here freaking out about the fact he's onto my trail and he's mocking me and- okay, okay. It's fine. I just need to calm down.

Everything will be fine.

"Yeah…it makes sense"

"It totally does" he looked away for a moment before getting to his feet. I did the same, our eyes meeting once again as we stood.

"Since we're both on this case…do you want to work together?" a light pink tint covered his cheeks "I mean, if you want" he added, flustered now.

I showed him a small smile before holding my hand out to him. He took it, shaking gently, his hand lingering in mine for a moment. From his expression alone I could tell I had earned his trust.

He couldn't possibly suspect me now.

I was his colleague after all.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't until a few days later that I heard from Dan again. For some reason, although I'd already helped him get his head around what was really going on. I still felt I owed him something. I can't really explain it but I just had this feeling that for some reason he needed my help. I mean, that's all it could have been. I felt a little bit sorry for him so I gave him my number. That's all, really. It's not like I felt anything else for him. psychopaths -or whatever they want to call me- can't feel anything like that. Not that I'm calling myself crazy or anything. But I've just never felt any strong feelings towards anyone before. That's how I know I just feel sorry for Dan because really, his detective skills need a bit of work.

I was just scrolling through tumblr, reblogging pictures of cats as usual when my phone vibrated rather loudly on my desk next to my laptop. I sighed softly, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples slowly to try calm the throbbing headache that was currently pounding my skull into what felt like thousands of pieces. I unlocked the screen with my eyes still closed, not bothering to open them until I knew the message had been opened. To say I was surprised was an understatement.

There on the screen was a text from Dan. To be honest, I hadn't expected him to actually keep my number and text me. I thought he would have lost it by now. He seemed so unorganised and well- I don't know. Just messy.

_From: Dan Howell_  
_To: Phil Lester_

_Hey Phil _  
_Just wanted to let you know I've connected the case to a few other murders that have happened over the last few years._  
_Could we meet up to have a chat about it?_  
_I want your opinion on this._

I just stared at the screen in disbelief. I was always so careful, how had he connected them? Maybe I under estimated him after all. Maybe he actually did have a brain in that head of his. I probably should have been more worried than I was. I mean, he could legitimately solve this case right now and figure out it was me.

No way.

He can't.

I took a quick breath in before tapping the text box to type my reply to him.

_From: Phil Lester_  
_To: Dan Howell_

_Sure we could meet up for a chat. Where were you thinking of meeting?_

I bit my lip softly as I read over my short message again before sending it. If I helped him with this then there was no way he's suspect me. Even if somehow he did figure it out, he'd think he was wrong. I was posing as a friend to him and there was no way he would think a friend, someone he supposedly knew. Could do anything like that.

My mind was buzzing with plans of what to do if one of my 'what if's' came true. When a small sound broke me out of my thoughts. A surge of panic coursed through my veins as I looked to my left with wide eyes. My phone sat there illuminating the room with a dull glow. A notification on the screen telling me id received another text from Dan. I dragged my finger a across the screen, bringing up the text.

_From: Dan Howell_  
_To: Phil Lester_

_I would say somewhere like Starbucks but even I can't be that much of an ironic white girl lol. How about your place? Getting my windows done so it can't be my place._

I laughed softly, smiling to myself softly at his comment. However, as I read on that smile dropped. He wanted to come round here? Today? Not that I had an untidy house or anything. But I think it's kinda against the rules to let a freaking detective into your house when you're the guy he's looking for.

But what choice did I have? I couldn't say no in case he saw that as suspicious behaviour. Or maybe I was over thinking this. Surely saying I couldn't make today wouldn't seem to suspicious. But on the other hand, I had already said I could meet up today.

I buried my head in my hands as a groan of frustration passed my lips. Why didn't I just do what I was supposed to and get out of there when I had the chance. I didn't even need to stay to talk to him. I could have just left and have been sitting here completely stress free. But no. here I am stressing over if I should let a boy in my house.

God, I sound like a teenage girl.

_From: Phil Lester_  
_To: Dan Howell_

_Sure my place is cool. Let me just do a quick tidy up then I'll text you the address._

That seemed casual enough, right? Yeah, it was. I was fine. I just needed to have a quick tidy of the place then he could come round. I mean, we'd only sit in the lounge. It's not like he was gonna start searching my house for clues that I was a murderer or anything. No, that was stupid. I was just worrying too much now. That's all.

Everything will be fine.

************************************************** *******************

"So I was thinking- are you even listening?"

My eyes snapped to Dan as I heard his voice. He was looking directly at me with this little sort of pout on his face. He lifted the papers up in his hand, gesturing to them with his other hand as his eyes bore into mine.

"You're sot supposed to day dream while we're talking about the case"

I winced slightly, rubbing my eyes before looking back up at him with a sheepish expression. "I know, I'm sorry"

He sighed softly , placing the thin sheets of paper down on the coffee table. "It's fine. Really. I mean we have been at this for a while"

"We can keep going if you want-"

"No, no. it's fine, really. You look tired anyway. Not get a good sleep last night?"

I covered my mouth as I yawned, trying to recall if I had slept at all last night. I'm not sure if I did or not. The nights all seemed to collide into one eternal hour of darkness where all my nightmares came to life. Sleep is a hard thing to come by when you're me.

"No…I…it doesn't matter"

He gave me a concerned look but I just smiled to at least try distract him. It worked, amazingly. He smiled back, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment longer than they probably should have. He realized his mistake, or action. Depending on how he saw our relationship and coughed awkwardly. He dropped his eyes to the floor before reaching into his pocket to search for something. His hand emerged a few seconds later, his phone curled up in it.

"Shit, is that the time already?" he asked out loud, more to himself rather than to me as he glanced at the screen. "I'm really sorry but I have got to literally run to get my bus like right now"

"You can stay here"

I covered my mouth after I realized what I had just said. He could stay here? What the hell was I thinking?

"…Really?" he asked sheepishly, shuffling his feet slightly as he gazed at me.

There was no going back on this now. We were friends. Well, I was pretending to be his friend. Friends can stay over at each other houses all the time. It'll be fine. I'll just keep an eye on him and make him leave first thing in the morning.

"Yeah…This is only a one bedroom though so…you'll have to sleep-"

"Yeah, of course. I'll be fine on the couch"

A faint blush covered my cheeks as our eyes meet once again "I was going to say my bed…but if you want the couch you can have it"

I was blushing. What the hell was going on. I never blush. I'm never embarrassed enough to blush. I just couldn't wrap my head around it but…Dan's different. I have no idea why but he's just different from everyone else.

He grinned at me, taking a step towards me as if he were about to hug me. He stopped, a faint pink tint covering his cheeks before he looked down. "…Thanks for this"

"No problem" I answered with my best fake smile. Dan made me question everything I believed about myself. I didn't like him, just felt sorry for him. Remember that. There was nothing more than that.

"Not just for letting me stay. For everything. You've helped so much on this case" he met my gaze "Thanks Phil"

I didn't even speak this time. Just managing to nod my head while everything he had just said flooded through my head. My head hurt. It hurt a lot. He confused me.

He confused me so much.

"Can I use your shower? it's been a long day"

"Yeah, sure"

He nodded before heading towards the bathroom. It wasn't until he had reached the door that my mind sprung into action and told me the one thing I shouldn't have forgotten about.

The blood soaked towel.

"Dan, Wait!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Dan, wait!"

It was too late. He'd just walked in and by the silence I guessed he'd seen it. I made a quick dash to the bathroom, stopping in the doorway to see Dan standing in the middle off the small room with a confused expression spread across his face. It was obvious he was staring at it.

What was I even supposed to tell him? Of course I couldn't tell him the truth. The truth was that whenever a scene got a bit messy I would always clean up after myself. If that was wiping the blood off my hands or cleaning the victims body. There was always blood, of course there was.

He turned to me, this sadness in his eyes I hadn't seen for a long time. Normally fear and other feelings similar to that filled me with adrenaline. But that look. It filled me with a different feeling which I couldn't quite place. Maybe it was just the nerves getting to me. I mean he could make the connection right now. There is evidence right there.

"Phil…"

Here it comes. Everything is up. I'll have to go to prison and be with those disgusting people I hate so much and I really really don't want that-

"You don't need to be ashamed Phil"

…Wait, what?"

"It's okay Phil. I understand. Lots of people self harm. It's not a sign of weakness"

He thought that blood was…mine? I just nodded, looking down to the floor. If he thought I was ashamed then I could play that part perfectly. He sighed softly before gently touching my arm. I flinched, still not used to the whole physical contact thing. He immediately removed his hand, obviously thinking he'd hurt me.

"I'm sorry Phil. You didn't want me to find out, right?"

I just nodded again, looking up at him now. Our eyes met and my stomach dropped. It was an usual feeling. Like fear and this weird anxious feeling put together. What was that?

"You're not too upset are you?"

"No…I'm okay"

Maybe I was just getting better at acting but my voice actually cracked. I felt sort of proud of myself there for pretending to be so upset. The weird thing was, I don't think I was acting much. It did that all by it's self. Maybe it was that weird feeling. Yeah, that was probably it. I was just nervous…even though I never get nervous.

…what was wrong with me?

"You know what, lets forget about the whole shower thing. Do you maybe wanna just sit down and have a chat?" he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly "I mean, I'd be happy to listen if you wanna talk about… you know" he said, gesturing to my arm.

"Yeah…I'd like that" the words left my mouth before my brain had even processed them. I don't know what it was but Dan had something about him that made me completely lose my head when I was around him. I just couldn't think straight and it was infuriating. I couldn't keep going like this.

…I could easily end this now.

It was against all my rules to kill someone in my own house but… he wouldn't suspect a thing. Just slit his throat while he was sleeping. He wasn't a bad man. But he was bad news to me.

I was broken out of my thoughts when I felt him gently take my hand in his. I looked into his eyes. Only to be meet with an amazing smile and this little twinkle in his eye. My knees felt weak as I gazed into his chocolaty brown eyes. This wasn't right. No one was supposed to make me feel so weak and venerable like this.

I had to do it.

He lead me over to the couch where we both sat down and stared at the blank TV screen. And so the awkward silence formed. It stayed in the air for a few minutes before it was broken by Dan's voice.

"You don't wanna talk about it, do you?"

I shook my head, simply for the reason I knew if we talked about it he'd ask to see my cuts, which I of course didn't have.

"I thought so…do you wanna watch a movie instead?"

"Yeah…that would be nice"

And for the first time that night, I wasn't lying. Dan smiled at me before making his way over to my dvd collection and making small talk with me about which he had and which he wanted. He settled on a dvd id kept simply for someone who used to be a friend. My neighbour Totoro or something like that.

Of course I hadn't expected to like it. But I was really getting into it. Sitting on the edge of my seat as the obvious climax point of the film occurred. It wasn't until I took of a sigh of relief and sat back slightly that I noticed I was sort of curled up against Dan. I went to move, feeling incredible embarrassed. But his hand wrapped itself around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

My heart was beating crazily as I sat there, listening to Dan's own heart beat. I was never one to take comfort in other people. But Dan made me feel…I can't explain it. That weird nervous feeling from before was replaced with this sort…warm feeling.

There was something seriously wrong with me.

************************************************** *******************

This was it.

I was going to do it. I had to do it. I tightened the grip around the knife in my hand as I stared down at him. He was sleeping in my bed. His face so peaceful as he slept. A small smile tugging at his lips as he obviously dreamed some nice dream. I had to do this. I just had to.

I slowly crawled onto the bed, sitting beside him. He stirred slightly but remained asleep. From this angle I could kill him easily. Just one swipe across his neck and I would be okay again. No more weird feelings. No more nerves. I could go back to being me.

I raised the knife into the air, cheeking the angle again. I just had to slide it across. That's all. I could do that. My hand quivered as I tried to bring the knife down. I couldn't. I sighed softly, closing my eyes to try clear my head. I had done this a thousand times.

Why couldn't I now?

I pulled the knife away from him. Glaring at the blade as if it was it's fault. I just couldn't do it. For some reason I didn't want to kill him. No, I didn't want to even hurt him. But I should have been able too. He meant nothing to me. Nothing at all…so why?

"Phil?…"

My eyes shot to the side, seeing his half open eyes on.

Shit.

Without thinking I brought to blade to my arm and pressed lightly. Sure enough, blood rose to the surface and began to dribble out of the wound.

"Phil! No, don't!" Dan pretty much shouted as he sort of tackled me and grabbed my hand with the knife in. I tried to struggle, my mind reeling into panic as he tried to grab my other arm which was now bleeding.

"Phil, don't do it. Please. It's not worth it"

I don't know how but suddenly I was wrapped in his arms. I struggled against him, tears coming to my eyes as I tried to fight him off. He just held on tighter, saying calming words to try stop me.

And suddenly there were tears rushing down my cheeks and I was clinging onto him sobbing. I couldn't stop myself and was absolutely terrified. I never ever cried.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" my mouth was babbling on and on yet my mind hadn't told it to do that.

I was so scared.

"It's okay, I've got you…"


End file.
